I don’t mean to brag, but if I’m being honest, I believe I have the best friends. I’m talking about the types of friendships that come around only once in a lifetime—yet for me, they’ve come around lots in my lifetime. Better yet, my friends are very often friends with one another, making my friendships even richer as a result.

I know that I’m an anomaly in this regard, though. The world is a lonely place, desperate for relationships that give life meaning. People need people.

So how did I get so lucky?

Well, as much as there might be some serendipity involved—or divine providence, if you believe in that sort of thing—I also know that my relationships are just as much a result of my own intention. It didn’t happen by accident or luck alone. I’ve fostered it.

In other words, I’m a good friend.

Again, that may sound a bit braggy (I’m sorry if it does), but the only reason I bring it up is because I wish everyone had the types of friendships I do. They’re life-giving, and I want you to experience the same. And the thing is, I believe it’s possible.

So, how can you build better friendships?

There are plenty of books out there on friendships, relationships, and self-improvement as a whole. As for me, I eventually realized that it would be helpful if I simply contemplated and codified the principles of friendship by which I operated. As much as friendship may be intuitive to every human, the more focus and energy we give something, the better at it we become.

After 4 decades on planet earth, these are the principles of friendship that have been most noteworthy in cultivating the type of friends I mentioned earlier.

My principles of friendship are:

• Don’t wait to be the first—to befriend, to love, to act, to encourage, to speak life, to reach out

• Accept that friendship happens in seasons just like life does, inviting or exiting relationships as they ebb and flow

• Be consistent

• Follow up on what my friends shared previously and follow through on what we discussed together, even if casually

• Care more about my friends and their dreams than always sharing my own

• Ask friends questions that other people aren’t asking them

• Give myself grace when I can’t show up or participate in friends’ lives as much as I may like

• Talk about the tough stuff in life—and even our friendship—but don’t play therapist

• Care about what and who my friends care about, even if that just means listening

• Be as generous as possible, even when it may hurt

• Enjoy memorable experiences together, especially over outdoor fires

• Always say “Yes” to serving my friends if I have the power to do so

• Engage in friendship communally and with my family

• Pursue God together

None of these are groundbreaking, by any means, though I could speak at length to each principle. And while they may not be mindblowingly unique, they’re solid. They’re principles I truly do try my best to live by—and I’m rich in friendship as a result.

Perhaps it is best for me to simply end with one of my favorite quotes. Walt Whitman said, “We were together. I forgot the rest.”

Write your own

Feel free to steal be inspired by my principles of friendship and create your own. I hope it brings about a new depth in your own relationships, because the best of life happens in that beautiful word: together.